need love advice /perlu kasih saran

[terimakasih]

hi I am a 34 year old american some one please give some good advice.,
I am sorry i do not speak indonesian but i will use a translator to try to make this easy,
I have known an indonesian woman (27) for 2 years she is Bugis
when i met her 2 years ago i asked a indonesian guy i know from a restruant where she works if she has a boyfriend and 2 times both 2 yrs and 1 yr ago he said no.

basically me and this girl started spending time together and we have grown close. I find out she was living with the guy i asked and he always denies that they are together. She is muslim and he is not, I also am not a muslim but i will convert. THis guy does not make her happy and she is always with me
always calling me. here is the problem

she says she has to marry him. THis guy now knows that she and I have kissed and held each other, we often hold hands. I know she loves me, and she is considering leaving him but she is scared what her parents will say (she already ran away from an arranged marriage to be with this guy)

they always seem like brother and sister, not boyfriend and girlfriend.

I know with all my heart that she loves me, I can wait for her but i hope i can get some good advice here


thankyou




hi I am a 34 year old american beberapa satu silakan memberikan beberapa nasihat yang baik.,
Saya minta maaf saya tidak berbicara bahasa indonesia tapi saya akan menggunakan penerjemah untuk mencoba membuat ini mudah,
Saya mengenal seorang wanita Bahasa Indonesia (27) selama 2 tahun dia adalah Bugis
ketika saya bertemu dengannya 2 tahun yang lalu saya bertanya pada seorang pria Bahasa Indonesia saya tahu dari restruant tempat ia bekerja jika dia punya pacar dan 2 kali kedua 2 thn dan 1 thn yang lalu ia mengatakan tidak.

pada dasarnya aku dan gadis ini mulai menghabiskan waktu bersama-sama dan kami telah tumbuh dekat. Aku mencari tahu dia tinggal dengan pria saya bertanya dan dia selalu menyangkal bahwa mereka bersama-sama. Dia adalah muslim dan dia tidak, aku juga bukan seorang muslim tetapi saya akan dikonversi. Orang ini tidak membuatnya bahagia dan dia selalu bersama saya
selalu memanggilku. di sini adalah masalah

dia bilang dia harus menikah dengannya. Orang ini kini tahu bahwa ia dan aku telah mencium dan berpelukan, kita sering berpegangan tangan. Aku tahu dia mencintaiku, dan dia sedang mempertimbangkan meninggalkan dia tapi dia takut apa yang akan dikatakan orang tuanya (dia sudah melarikan diri dari pernikahan tersebut diatur dengan pria ini)

mereka selalu tampak seperti kakak dan adik, bukan pacar dan pacar.

Saya tahu dengan segenap hatiku bahwa ia mencintai saya, saya dapat menunggu dia, tapi saya berharap saya bisa mendapatkan beberapa nasihat yang baik di sini

 

[rosa89]

First of all, sorry if I have a bad english .

Married life is not easy, lot's of trouble and problem. It's normal if they fight and yell each other n' feel unhappy at the beginning. But slowly with the time flow, they'll learn to love and respect each other /gawi.

Don't make her take another decision that she'll regret. It's her choice to married him, so she must accept whatever it takes. You can't say she's feel happier with you, it's selfish statement...

Beside that, according to our culture it's a great sin to disobey our parents. She alreay do it once, try to think what her family 'll do if they know about this problem. One thing I sure, it's terrible .

 

[terimakasih]

well

she is not yet married, if she was married i would not bother

the boy friend after 3 years finally spoke to her parents on the phone for the first time after when he found out about me.

her parents have already told her that if he does not marry her that they will help her find a good man,

their relationship is not set in stone

also he does not respect her, he always makes her feel bad about her self
he is always critisizing her.

he is very selfish and not giving



ia belum menikah, jika ia sudah menikah saya tidak akan repot-repot

anak teman setelah 3 tahun akhirnya berbicara kepada orang tuanya di telepon untuk pertama kalinya setelah ketika dia tahu tentang aku.

orangtuanya sudah mengatakan kepadanya bahwa jika ia tidak kawin dengan perempuan yang mereka akan membantunya menemukan orang yang baik,

hubungan mereka tidak diatur dalam batu

juga dia tidak menghormati dia, dia selalu membuat wanita merasa buruk tentang dirinya
ia selalu mengkritik dirinya.

dia sangat egois dan tidak memberikan

 

[rosa89]

Ohhhh, then I give a wrong advice .

But still you can't say that he is selfish and not giving, you're not the one who with him right?.

Women's heart is unpredictable, you can't easily say what's inside it.

Btw you hear all of this from her?.

 

[terimakasih]

yes i do
she told me everything and that is when we started getting closer, she says she is always happy with me, also all her co workers (also indonesian but older 60+ years) notice the change when i am around

he lives with her for 3 years and he knows nothing about islam
i already go to a mosque several times to learn, i will convert to be with her

I love this woman more than I ever knew possible

I am learning indonesian i want to meet her family if she choose me and do right


she cries in my arms several times at the bad things he say and how he is so cold and critize her

Please help me find a way, i will do anything to make her happy.. she so deserve to be happy




yes i do
she told me everything and that is when we started getting closer, she says she is always happy with me, also all her co workers (also indonesian but older 60+ years) notice the change when i am around

he lives with her for 3 years and he knows nothing about islam
i already go to a mosque several times to learn, i will convert to be with her

I love this woman more than I ever knew possible

I am learning indonesian i want to meet her family if she choose me and do right


she cries in my arms several times at the bad things he say and how he is so cold and critize her

Please help me find a way, i will do anything to make her happy.. she so deserve to be happy

 

[rosa89]

Well then if you feel so then it's a good start to say about this to her family . Let u'r heart decide which one is the best for u, listen carefully what it try to say /no1.

Love isn't enough for married life, it tooks more than that /gawi.

 

[terimakasih]

thanks ROsa

fyi: Rosa your english is good
she just called me in tears
she asked that i not call, sms, or email her for a while.
she said she is confused and needs to figure things out.
she said she misses me and is not even sure she still wants to be with this guy but she has to sort everything,

so i have a feeling a decision is about to come, i hope it is me, i know we can make each other happy and have a good life together.



She was with the guy and his 3 friends on vacation for the past 5 days and she was miserable.


any ideas on what might happen?




FYI: Rosa inggris anda baik
ia baru saja menelepon saya menangis
ia bertanya bahwa saya tidak menelepon, sms, atau email-nya untuk sementara waktu.
dia bilang dia bingung dan perlu memikirkan hal-hal yang keluar.
dia bilang dia rindu padaku dan bahkan tidak yakin dia masih ingin berada bersama orang ini, tetapi dia harus menyortir segalanya,

jadi saya punya perasaan keputusan akan datang, saya berharap itu adalah saya, saya tahu kita bisa membuat satu sama lain bahagia dan memiliki kehidupan yang baik bersama-sama.



Dia bersama laki-laki dan 3 orang teman berlibur selama 5 hari dan ia sengsara.


ada ide tentang apa yang akan terjadi?

 

[rosa89]

He he he, thanks for that .

I know what happened, she need time to think carefully about u'r relationship. She need time alone, so it's a good idea to not communicate with her for a while. I'm sure deep inside her heart she can't understand what she's feeling now.

Deep inside she still love him, but on the other side she's feel something when she's with you.

It's normal and natural habit bro, let her think for a while /no1.

 

[semutsedeng]

My advice, if someone already has a partner. Try to appreciate their relationship. Do not damage the relationship they cultivated, the impact will be harmful to you. There are many single women out there who are waiting for their ideal man and you're the choosen one. Cheeeers brother /ok

 

[terimakasih]

you know if her bf had not already damaged their relationship and had treated her right there would never have been a chance for me to intentionally or otherwise interfer or create this relationship between her and me.


Not every relationship is meant to result in marriage and I think Allah works in mysterious ways,
as for all those single women, they are irrelevant when your heart belongs to one woman whom
you love, cherish and adore

 

[rosa89]

That's good if u'r already realise that, love is not selfish. To love someone means u'll happy when you see her happy, though it hurts for u.

Well, just be patient. When the time come, u'll met someone that belong for u /no1. I'll help u with my pray hope for the best.

Yes, god works in a mysterious ways. Sometimes it hurts when it come at the first time, but slowly u'll understand that's the best for u /gawi.

 

[terimakasih]

i have not given up on her. i think we will be together, and even if she marries him
i have made up my mind
i will wait until their marriage falls appart
because trust me it will

 

[rosa89]

It's a selfish decision, you suppose support her. It's not good to said she'll failed with her wedding cos' when u say so it also mean u pray she failed with her wedding.

If u'r really love her, u'll try to build her confidence in facing married life. U'll try to teach her how to deal with her future husband and make her life better.

Please understand and don't make a decision that'll harm her. Are you happy when she's failed with her wedding?, please think better is this what you want to see?. See her cried over and over again?, facing more pain because failed with her wed?. If u say yes then it means u're a selfish person, love is mean u happy for person u loved tough it's hurt for u. If u're keep act like this, i'm sure she'll failed with her wed. But it'll show u're selfish, happy when see her sad.

 

[semutsedeng]

i have not given up on her. i think we will be together, and even if she marries him
i have made up my mind
i will wait until their marriage falls appart
because trust me it will

Wow .. If you have an attitude like this, you are included into a DESPERATED man. Wake up bro, there are many single women out there ! Do not focus on one woman only. Be a real man's brother ..

Cheeers /no1

 

[apriliatista]

Aih,bule 1 ini ngebet bener ngerusakin hubungan orang laen.tipe seperti ini yg paling gua benci,karena dia menari diatas penderitaan orang laen

 

[terimakasih]

marriage is a partnership,
build on love , faith and respect
so u are saying a women should be miserable the rest of her life and with a man that disrespects and does not treat her well.

if he truly loved her and treated her well, and made her happy.. i would be hurt but i could be happy for her. She deserves to be happy and have a man, a future husband that treats her good, that loves and adores her.

you know he can be working on a school assignment, she can leave him be to work on it for hours, then if she just tries to say"good nite honey, i am going to bed or Can I get you anything before i go to bed." He yells at her, then he makes her feel bad for caring.
this is not normal loving behavior.
where is the love, where is the caring, where is the understanding.

she does nothing wrong and he frequently brings her to tears.



'****************************************************************************
pernikahan adalah kemitraan,
membangun cinta, iman dan rasa hormat
jadi u katakan seorang perempuan harus menderita seumur hidup dan dengan seorang pria yang disrespects dan tidak memperlakukan dengan baik.

jika ia benar-benar mencintainya dan diperlakukan dengan baik, dan membuatnya bahagia .. i akan terluka, tapi saya bisa bahagia untuknya. Dia pantas untuk menjadi bahagia dan memiliki seorang pria, seorang calon suami yang memperlakukan wanita yang baik, yang mencintai dan memuja dia.

Anda tahu dia bisa mengerjakan tugas sekolah, dia bisa ganggu dia bekerja di sana selama berjam-jam, maka jika dia hanya mencoba untuk mengatakan "good nite madu, saya akan pergi tidur atau Dapatkah saya mendapatkan sesuatu sebelum saya pergi ke tempat tidur. " Ia berteriak kepadanya, lalu ia membuatnya merasa buruk untuk peduli.
ini tidak normal perilaku mencintai.
di mana cinta, mana peduli, di mana pemahaman.

dia tidak salah dan ia sering membawa dia menangis.

ah and also this man also denied even being in a relationship with her for 2 years
so he is not a man he is a boy,before he found out about what was forming between she and I.
he would always tell her to call me to do the things with her that he did not want to do
things he should be doing with her
****************************************************************************
ah dan juga orang ini juga menyangkal bahkan berada dalam hubungan dengannya selama 2 tahun
jadi dia bukan seorang pria ia adalah seorang anak laki-laki, sebelum dia tahu tentang apa yang membentuk antara dia dan I.
ia akan selalu mengatakan dia menelepon saya untuk melakukan hal-hal dengan bahwa dia tidak ingin melakukan
hal yang dia harus lakukan dengan

 

[rosa89]

Guys need time to commit about their relationship, it's usual if it took couple of years until they feel ready to go further. It's not mean he denied their relationship bro, it's natural. Maybe he didn't say it to you cos' his own reason, right?.

You're too fast judging people, as long as u'r not the one who have relationship with him u have no right to say that he's a bad guy. Try to understand, why she choose this guy. There's must be something special about him that make her interested.

So far u just make her confused with u'r love, that's why she cried over and over again. I understand her feeling now, she confused with the love u ofter but homever she can't betray him for a reason. Until u understood what kind of reason is that, u have no right to force her.

I believe u'r a kind and nice guy, but sometimes to love somebody is to become his / her best friend. True friend that 'll support whatever it takes. Instead of force her to accept u why u don't teach her how to behave in front his boyfriend?, to make her bf love her more and respect her. Isn't that better for her than choose between u and him?.

 

[terimakasih]

why is it anytime i talk to people from asian countries (note i am also part japanese)
that they make a constant list of excuses for men,
time ok i can see being unsure the first 2-3 months
but for gods sake when a woman runs away from an arranged marriage and has her family not talking to her and it has been 2 years

it is denying at that point



and your comment teach her how to behave

her boyfriend needs to have his ass kicks to teach him how to behave and treat a women


i dont force her to do anything, i just remind her that everything is her choice

woman are people too, they are not superior or inferior they are 100% mens equals

women deserve the same respect, love, patience and kindness, compassion that men want


1 thing most americans are taught is to be able too look at both the good and the bad with in our own culture,
no culture is perfect and there is always room for improvement.

and for the record, i have told her 3 days ago to not call me
i have told her she needs time to sort everything out and make a decision

guess who has been calling and texting me for 3 days

so why am i the bad guy

why does there have to be a bad person?

thanks for all the support i got here.

 

[rosa89]

I'm also half japanese, my family name is Tadaki . If u'r half japanese than u suppose understand that though we're woman have a same right with u guys, we have a different position. That's not possible to have two captains at the same ship .

She's confused with u'r feeling, u just don't get that. I believe it'll better for her if u make a clear statement thet u'r relationship with her is not more than friendship. And of course, u need to become her real best friend /no1. She's happy when she's with u, but she can't denied what her heart said.

Try to understand why she can't let him go, from many different side. So far u just understand this from u'r side, and that's not fair .

I don't said u're a bad guy, i can sense that u'r a nice and kind guy. U just don't understand what happens right now /gawi...

Though my words is mean for u, believe me that i'll do my best to support u. That's what friends for .

 

[semutsedeng]

If she worthed for you, go ahead and catch her if you want and see how it's going /ok