[Help] Public speaking competition!!!

[garzar]

What a Friend is for?

Ass wr wb good morning ladies and gentlemen. Let me introduce myself. I’m Putra from Vocational school 22 jakarta. To honorable my teacher, the adjudicators, and the audience here. I’m going to tell my speech about what a friend is for.

When you hear “friend”, I think we know the word is meaningful. Everybody has different definition from the word . In my opinion, friend is a person who intimates with us. Nowadays, it’s must be very hard to find a true friend. Why? Because at this time, people only pay attention to certain people and the wealth. Example Jude is a rich person but when his family bankrupt, maybe his friend will leave him. That’s why at this time it’s very hard to find a true friend. A true friend is a person who wants to hear and accept our story, trust and keep our secrets.
A friend is someone who is always besides me for cooperating of working together, when we have a big problem and we can’t finished that. Friends always help us and try to find the solution of the problem together. If we work together, the job will be finished easily and satisfactorily. We all know at this time the people is individualistic. People like to work by oneself, he/she does not want to cooperate and work together with his/her friend. In fact, working together with our friend is useful.
A friend is a person who can make me happy and cheerful when I’m sad. If I have a problem and the problem make me feel sad, usually my friend amuse me with his/her jokes or invite me to play with them. I can feel happy again after I play with them. I can forget my problem.
While I’m happy, we can share our happiness together. But not just our happiness but I can share my bad experience and she/he right destination for discussion. Best friend is the person who wants to hear, keep and trust our secrets of our story. Friend can be a source to get a new information. So I now many information just from my friends. I can exchange my opinion with my friend. So, friendship is very important for us.
I think that’s all from me, I hope all of you again will be satisfied with my speech. Thank you very much for coming attention and participation.
Wass wr wb

what do you think?? r diz gud enough???

 

[Asereje]

I think it's better for you to change the title to "what friends are for"... because dude... I know on the speech body that you are referring to SINGULAR object[friend], but as we all know, you have plenty amount of friends, now haven't ya? and although you are referring to a SINGLE object, at least modify the title to PLURAL, in case for general usage... also it doesn't sound good when you use the title "what a friend is for"...

at this line :
"when his family bankrupt", better modify it to "his family went bankrupt" would be nicer...

also on this line :
"A friend is someone who is always besides me for cooperating of working together" modify it to "a friend is someone who's always beside/support me/us to cooperate and work together with me"... [you know you shouldn't always use -ing though that you are referring to the general truth]

you really mess up this line :
"we can’t finished that" it should be "we can't finish it"

"I can forget my problem."
replace this one with, "it lightens my burden", or "it eases the burden" it is not exactly correct to use "I" repeatedly...

this one... needs a bit of correction
"A friend is a person who can make me happy and cheerful when I’m sad", it should be
"A friend is a person who could cheer me up when I'm feeling down"

dude... be consistent on what you wrote...
"While I’m happy, we can share our happiness together." on the sentence "while I'm happy" you are referring to your self, not at you and your friends, so if you are referring to your self from the beginning of the sentence, be consistent, refer to yourself till the end, if you just let it be, I'm telling you, it's a fatal mistake... then it should be changed to "while I'm happy, I could share my happiness together with my friends"

now for this one...
"Best friend is the person who wants to hear, keep and trust our secrets of our story." this one is quiet blurry if it's translated to indonesian[sahabat adl org yg mau mendengar,menyimpan dan percaya dari rahasia kita dari cerita kita] although that you are referring to[sahabat adl org yg mau mendengarkan, mempercayai dan merahasiakan cerita kita, am I right?] so it should be "best friend is a person who wants to hear, believe and keep our story a secret"

this one...
"To honorable my teacher" what does this mean? if you are referring to guru saya yg terhormat, it should be "to my honorable teacher"

that's all

 

[garzar]

Thank you very much for the correction. i didn't know that if i had make a lot mistakes so anyone else?